My friendleagues (friends who are my colleagues / colleagues who are my friends) are spectacular.
They are not trophy wives or trust fund recipients.
They are women without their masters, or any traditional business education for that matter.
Most of them have been in business as long as I have, or just a bit longer or shorter.
And yet, here they are: consistently selling $5k+ courses, leading large events, hosting top podcasts, hiring employees and making $100K+ with each program launch.
They say things like, “I’m going to charge $1500 for this and cap it at 150 people” and they actually sell every spot.
They invest thousands in coaching and shift their business model and triple the price of their program and gross $20K+ in a day.
They have enough freelancers working for them that they refer to them as “my team.”
It’s enough to continually come up short when, well, you compare yourself to them.
When you compare the size of your audience to theirs.
When you compare your latest launch numbers to theirs.
When you compare your overall income projections to theirs.
And when I say “you”, I mean “me.”
Please believe me when I say: I love my business.
Please believe me when I say: I know how good I have it.
Please believe me when I say: Business is thriving, and I never take it for granted.
Please believe me when I say: I am nothing but happy for my friendleagues. They deserve it all and then some.
And yet, I can’t stop the impulse to compare and despair when my peers are raising their prices, making more money and getting a larger reach than I am.
I feel like I’ve ridden a roller coaster for the last few months, and it’s finally slowing to a stop. I’ve experienced the high highs of a new program selling out and then some, and the low lows of wondering if I even know what the heck I’m doing as a business owner, if I’m playing too small or severely limiting myself somehow (because seriously, how have things not blown up by now like it has for everyone else I’ve ever known aaaaaaaahhhhhh?!?!?!?!).
When my Compare & Despair flares up, here’s what’s helped:
Letting myself really feel it. Like, lay-on-the-floor-and-cry feel it. ‘Cause seriously, it’s important to feel your feelings. Pushing them down never solves anything.
Ask what it is I’m jealous of. Obviously, there’s something that they have that I want. But if I ask myself this question, I’m usually surprised at the answer. It’s usually not whatever-they’re-doing-to-get-that-result, but the result itself. I would not trade my business model or offerings for anything my friendleagues are doing. Do I want a $100K launch? Sure! Do I want it by doing XYZ to promote it, or to have an offer just like ABC? Nope. I want that result, but my way. Which brings me to…
Keep my eyes on my own paper. Once I’m clear on how I want to run my business – what I want to offer, who I want to work with, what I want to charge, what I want my time and energy to go towards – then I need to keep my head down and stay true to my vision. My own dream business does not come from trying to emulate someone else’s dream business. It comes, instead, from my own vision, manifestation, effort, execution and follow through.
Using it to open up my belief of what’s possible. Holy crapballs, when my friendleague tripled the price of her program, conducted dozens of sales calls and had more sign-ups in a week than I usually get in many months, it wrecked me even though I was so proudcited for her. I thought: Is everything I’ve learned a sham? Have I been doing it all wrong? Am I the biggest idiot ever (man, practicing compassion was hard that week!)? But once that passed (see: feel your feelings), I realized: WHOA! LOOKIT WHAT’S POSSIBLE! And my own income goals pushed passed what would normally be that limit, and I made subsequent changes so I can do my damndest to get there. My own confidence and trust has increased, and I’m working on my own money mindset to shift it for the better.
Practice gratitude. I always say that the simplification of what I aim to do for my clients is to get them to the point where they wake up in the morning, think of the day ahead, and look forward to the vast majority of it. I am constantly joyful and thankful (and still totally amazed, almost 8 years after I started doing this work full time) about the from-the-heavens clients who find and hire me, the projects I have the honor of working on, the lifelong friends I’ve made because of this business. It doesn’t hurt that the money that comes in from being The When I Grow Up Coach has allowed my family to buy a house, pay for day care and let my husband work less on the projects that don’t light him up. The more I go through my day-to-day thinking, “Yes, this is what I want to spend my time on and who with, yes yes yes”, the more thankful and peaceful I am with where my business is right here, right now – and where I know it’s going.
Compare and Despair? More like Consort and Support! That is the attitude my friendleagues have shown me. That is the light we collectively shine.