Today’s my last schmemo. My first was on Valentine’s Day, and I’ve had ’em every 3 weeks until today.
Lots of body aches.
A crazy amount of hair loss (I still have about 25% of my hair thanks to a trial I’m enrolled in, and while I’m disappointed in the results, I certainly can’t complain).
But…I’m here. I made it.
Can I let you in on a secret? My Big Fears in my life are twofold: being home when an intruder comes in (I didn’t even watch scary movies as a kid, yet this has always been something I’ve been afraid of), and cancer. Now, with the first one, I can feel secure that the chances of that happening are very slim, but with cancer….I knew it was a matter of time, since every single person on both sides of my family has died of it. No diabetes. No heart attacks. No going peacefully in our sleep. I mean, when I have to go to a new doctor and they ask for a family history of cancer, I come prepared with my own sheet since all my info never fits on their form. However, there have only been 2 cases of cancer-before-70 in my family, and I never thought it would hit me this early. But I would think of When I Got Cancer and all that went with it, and I would think, “I can never get through that.”
People are telling me that I’m so strong and brave, and while I wouldn’t disagree (I *am* strong and brave, dammit!), I just think, “I’m just doing what I gotta do.” And I’ll keep doing it with what’s to come…a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction in about a month, the 3+ month recovery that comes with it, putting having kids on the backburner while I take medicine that causes severe birth defects…and while, yes, I’m now crying, I also think about what I’ve already gone through, what a spectacular support system I have with me, and how We’re Gonna Get Through This.
When have you been stronger than you thought?
I’ll be reading these comments in the schmemo chair (how’s that for pressure?!), and I promise they’ll give me strength and comfort and camaraderie. I need that today, and I thank you so much for it.
Also, if you can find anything extra in your wallet to contribute to my Avon walk, you can donate by going to my team page and clicking Donate Now. Even $1 will help me inch us closer to our $14,000 collective goal, which seems like an insane amount of money but I know that we can raise it! Did I mention I’m leading my own Team to walk just under 40 miles in 2 days? If that’s not being stronger than I think, I don’t know what is!