I want to start by apologizing for dropping off the face of the earth! I was so proud of myself for following through with the commitment I made to not just be wedding-focused the week before the wedding, and for posting that I’d be slower with my blog entries. It was such a big step for me, who always thinks I have to be Superwoman and do it all. So I put up the post, let myself off the hook, and….disappeared. It was halfway through my honeymoon that I realized I left y’all hanging! Since my last post, I got married and went on a 2-week honeymoon to Hawaii and San Francisco. It was the most amazing time, and I can not wait to start my new life standing next to the best man I have ever known.

I could take this time to beat myself up for not posting in three weeks, or I could tell myself, “It’s OK. You needed the space and the time, and you took it. Everyone will understand - you didn’t let anyone down. You did what was right for you. There’s nothing wrong with that.” But that voice sounds hippie dippy to me, so I’ll just say:

“Sometimes, I have to put myself first. Everything else can shove it.”

Yeah, that sounds like me.

Squidoo’s Lens of the Day introduced me to Your Life Sentence: 6-Word Memoirs or Quotations. It’s really an amazing way to write your autobiography - and have people want to read it!

Here are some of my faves:

“Revenge is living well, without you.” -Joyce Carol Oates

“Wasn’t born a redhead: fixed that.” -Anonymous

“29 Years Old, Still Playing Lego.” -Summer T

The ones that come from Mrs. Nixon’s Third Graders are also hilarious/awesome/super wise beyond their years:

“Nine years stacked within my soul.” -Laura

“Loud sometimes and quiet at others” -Sarah

“Life is better in soft pajamas.” -Emily

“A kid’s life is my life.” -Kion

“When two lives meet, another begins.” -Andrew

“I tried, I tried, I succeeded.” -Megan

“If life goes bad make it right.” -Megan

I’ve been trying to think of mine, but making it into 6 words is tougher than it looks! Of course, with my wedding 9 days away I want to steal Andrew’s quote: “When two lives meet, another begins.” Dreamy.

But I’d probably be closer to:

“I’m always reaching for the stars.”

“Passion, love and friendship over all.”

“Always following my ever changing bliss.”

I think I might have to pick up the book.

I admit it - I signed up for the contest to win Kelly Rae’s book, and signed up to receive additional comments when they come in (you win by commenting about what your dream job is). It’s only been 10 minutes, but 31 comments have come in on top of the 113 that were there when I got there! While this diminishes my chances of winning the book, I win in inspiration.

That last sentence was pretty lame, but you know what I mean.

When you have a few minutes, head on over to Decor8’s post and scroll down to the comments. Start reading. I guarantee you that within a few scrolls you’ll start to get excited. Excited from others who are committed to finding - or maintaining - a new career that they’re passionate about, even if it’s “outside the box” (nobody whose comment I read wanted to sit behind a desk all day! They want freedom, and creative license, and art, and the chance to make a difference! Revolution!). And who knows - if you’re trying to discover what clicks for you, you might find some great ideas from others that are giving it a whirl!

Sorry for the neglect recently, everyone! I’m in full wedding mode and haven’t been able to concentrate on anything other than timelines, checklists, and seating. 10 days to go!

It’s good that my wedding procrastination led me to Decor8, where I found a profile on Kelly Rae Roberts and her new book, Taking Flight: Inspiration and Techniques to Give Your Creative Spirit Wings. Decor8 described Kelly as “a successful mixed-media artist who didn’t listen and develop her creative side until she was 30 but once she did, she found nothing but success by listening to her inner longing.” What an inspiration to everyone who wants to Grow Up!

While this book is celebrated for taking you through the techniques necessary to make mixed-media art, the inspirational quotes, encouraging stories, and pages of eye candy are worth taking note of even if you’re not a literal artist.

To see Kelly Rae’s work, head over to her Etsy shop as well as her blog, Kelly Rae: Taking Flight into Art, Love and Life. I have a feeling that this work of art is going to find it’s way to a coveted spot above my desk (that is, when I get one. Damn you, tiny NYC apartments!):

If you can’t read the text, it says:

Unleash your joy

Embrace your truth

Pick more wild flowers

Leap fearlessly

Collect moments of kindness

Ask for what you need

Speak of your gratitude

Listen to forgiveness

Surround yourself with good people

Trust your creative spirit

Wear red shoes

Let it go

Sigh. Should I snatch it up now, even though it will be homeless for a while? It’s so gorgeous, so inspiring, and so true.

What do you use for inspiration?

5. “With great power comes great responsibility”

I forget if this was Yoga or Superman, but I know that my (adorably) nerdy pre-husband will be proud that I’m bringing this up! If you’re a comic book/sci fi ner-um, affictionado, then this won’t come under “5 Things You Don’t Know.” But look deeper and see the converse effect:

With disempowerment comes a sense of not needing to be responsible.

If you feel like something is beyond your control, there’s no responsibility for you to change it. It seems like a silly example, but I automatically think about picking at my nails. I’ve been wanting to stop for years (and no more so than when I got my gorgeous engagement ring), but it hasn’t happened. My fingers always wander to the fingers on my other hand. When someone asks why I do that, or why I haven’t stopped already, I say “I can’t help it.” As if it’s someone other than me picking at my nails!

Oh! And I think the quote is from Spiderman. Or Batman? No, I think it’s Spiderman. Either way, it’s one of those guys.

4. You take away someone’s power by assuming what is right for them.

When we tell someone our problems, aren’t we subconsciously (or consciously?) asking them to solve it for us? Well, in doing so you take away their ability to assume responsibility for it. You’re disempowering them, you disempowerer you!

Instead of giving them answers, tell them what you see. If you think it’s not what they want to hear, think of this: not showing them the truth will just make them think you accept their bad behavior.

3. There are two ways to deal with a problem: find a solution or get rid of the problem

What’s easier? Getting rid of the problem. What’s more powerful? Finding a solution.

I think I’m going to tattoo this on my face. And then show it to my girlfriends who are getting crapped on by the same (type of) guys over and over again.

2.There’s always a reward for allowing ourselves to be disempowered. Understand your reward.

It seems amazing that there could be a reward for negative behavior, but that there is. Pretty insane when you start thinking about what those rewards are. When I think about the rewards for picking at my nails, I think of……..hmmmm, is there a reward? Anything that pops into my head is not a good one. Then why am I doing it?

1. Power is perception. It doesn’t really exist.

Did you just get the chills like I did when I first heard that? If not, stop and read it again.

OK, if you didn’t get it now then here it is bolded and in all caps:

POWER DOESN’T EXIST!

If you tell yourself “I can’t make a living being an actress” or “I can’t ever be an optimist” or “I can’t find time to paint” then all you’re doing is taking power away from yourself. The way to bring it back is to turn it on it’s head. Make the “can’t” into “will”: “I will make a living being an actress”; “I will be an optimist”; “I will find time to paint” - and then ask “how?” Just saying it isn’t enough - you need to flesh out a plan to get you there*.

*insert shameless plug for my coaching services here

In the last few weeks, I’ve committed myself to writing 3 blog entries/week. I was hoping to continue this until my September 14th wedding, but I’ve realized that, even though I have the time, my brain is so fuzzy and wedding-focused that I can’t think of anything to write here! For example, I just sat down to write a stimulating post, and even though I have 8 different ideas in draft form, none of them called to me. Not only did they not call me, but my brain can’t even separate my thoughts right now! My head is a blur of vendor contact lists, timelines and the CD we need to make for the DJ.

So I’m going to practice what I preach and step away from this tonight - and maybe a bit more frequently until I come back from my honeymoon in early October. I’m also going to categorize this post under “balance”, as that is exactly what I’m giving myself!

But, in case you DO want to read about weddings……..here are my favorite wedding blogs:

Etsy Weddings

Manolo for the Brides

The Unbride

Offbeat Bride

Brooklyn Bride

See you later this week!

When you’re an artist, you have a kajillion things on your plate. OK, maybe not a kajillion, but at least a bimillion. You have the time you’re spending to your art (whether it’s classes, rehearsals, auditions, or time to sit down and write/paint), the time you’re spending on your day job, the time you give to your family/friends/other artists (Fringe show, anyone?), the time you put away to work out, the time you spend running errands and keeping your life in order……And a lot of it is BS, am I right? I mean YES, you do need to work on your art to get better, and you do need a day job to save money, and you do need to exercise to be able to wash your clothes on your abs (very important way of saving money on laundry), but is it getting you crazy? Are you feeling SO overwhelmed? Do you just want someone to add an extra 5 hours onto every day so you can do everything you want to do?

Well, I hate to say it, but……..

YOU are the one creating all of this BS in your life.

[beat]

Has that sunk in?

Who is the one saying you need to go to that crappy Fringe show? Who is the one who took that bartending job that ruins your voice & only gives you 4 hours of sleep a night? Who is the one that chastises you for taking a day off from the gym, or a dance class, or practicing your vocal exercises?

YOU.

I know it seems difficult to cut the BS out. A lot of it probably seems like it’s not BS. But take a look at your values - what really is most important to you? If, like me, it’s “relationships” and you’re not taking time to make them flourish, then maybe you need to take away that commercial class on top of the monologues class. If it’s “health”, then maybe changing your diet and cutting back on the gym from 6 days/week to 3 days/week might find you some extra space. If it’s “economic security” then maybe it’s working more and socializing less.

Or maybe, it’s finding a new path for yourself where you’re able to find that balance. Not like that’s a blatant plug for working with me, or anything

The first thing I ask a new client - even before we have our first session - is to determine their Top 5 Values. I send them straightaway to The Values Game, which is an amazing tool that helps you not only decipher what your values are, but offers an “easy” way to whittle them down (if it’s easy to figure out what’s more important - health or friendship). It offers many value suggestions (ie “personal development”, “family happiness”, “wisdom”, “affection”) but also lets you plug in your own. As equally important is that you’re able to include your own definition of what your value means to you. Ain’t nobody gonna tell you what “loyalty” means to you! Only you gonna tell you what loyalty means to you!

Yeah.

It’s been about a year since I’ve done this exercise, and I wanted to try it again and see - now that I’m an almost-married lady - if it’s consistent. On 9/1/07, my most important value was:

FAMILY HAPPINESS: ensuring that those I love (whether I’m related to them by blood, by marriage or by friendship) are healthy and happy, living the life that they want to live.

The other four included:

HEALTH: taking care of myself to ensure that I’m around for a long, long time

FRIENDSHIP (a close relationship with others): a mutual relationship that benefits all parties involved, that gives everyone a sense of support, comraderie, and a form of love

PLEASURE (fun, laughs, a leisurely lifestyle): to provide laughter and fun to those around me, and to receive it in return; to only chase after that which inspires and excites me

INTEGRITY (honesty, sincerity, standing up for oneself): never allowing myself to be taken advantage of; being upfront with those around me if I feel that my values and/or relationships are being compromised

I’m amazed at this list right now. I created it after my first session with my coach, and a lot of my values were very me-centric. I have to provide the laughs and fun. I had to make sure that those I love were healthy and happy - I was the one responsible. Obviously, these values took place before I put myself first.

As of 8/13/08, my most important value is:

RELATIONSHIPS: being there for those I love (whether we’re bound by blood, marriage or friendship) and allowing them to be there for me; taking the time and effort to create a strong bond with those same people and ensuring that it remains that way.

The other four included:

PASSION: discovering what thrills me, what makes my heart sing, what I NEED to do - and keeping it in my life always

HEALTH: taking precautions to ensure that I’m around for a long, long time; using diet and exercise as a means to ward off disease

ECONOMIC SECURITY: knowing that my family is provided for should we fall on hard times; having Luke & I follow our passions without worrying about how much money it will bring in; providing for our future children so they can live the life they want to live

PLEASURE (fun, laughs, a leisurely lifestyle): doing what makes me happy, and ensuring there are lots of laughs along the way

The next step for me is to print out these values and put them in my Moleskine notebook, so I can see them every day. The next time I need to make a decision I’ll turn to that page and say: “What’s the right decision based on my values?” I have a strong feeling that if I let myself be guided by them I can never go wrong.

Or not really wrong, at least. Only kinda, sorta wrong. And it can get a lot worse than kinda, sorta wrong.

Yeah, we’re back at song titles, but it can’t be helped. There was no way I could talk about saying “no” without “Rehab” by Amy Winehouse running through my brain.*

Not saying “no” was a huge hurdle I had to jump a year or so ago, when I started training to be a life coach. I knew that I needed to carve out more time for myself in order to take my classes and study, as well as juggle my job and my social life. Before then, it was easy for me to be in denial about committing to people/projects I didn’t want to do. Sometimes, I would go through with a lunch with an “old friend” (aka I’ve- known-you-since-high-school-and-you’re-going-to-complain-about-your-career/ life/relationship-for-two-hours-but-I’ll-go-out-for-lunch-with-you-since-I- don’t-want-to-”hurt”-your-feelings) but sometimes I’d end up canceling “last minute” (aka I-knew-I-was-canceling-all-along-but-it-felt-better-to-make-it-seem- last-minute-even-though-I’d-have-to-keep-a-lot-of-lies-straight-in- my-head).

I hated the white lies, and I hated taking up my time with doing something that I didn’t feel was fulfilling. But I kept at it, for years and years. I don’t remember NOT doing it.

Putting myself first was the first thing I spoke about with my life coach Joanne. From my blog at the time:

“I know that I have to “put myself first”, but that always seemed so selfish to me. Putting myself first made me feel scared that I was going to morph into this egomaniacal monster that people - gasp! - might not like. When Joanne told me that by placing my needs first, I was being selfless and putting myself into a better position to help others, I was skeptical. It wasn’t until she asked me, ‘If a car runs out of gas, is it going anywhere at all?’ that I just got it…”

Another great analogy that Joanne gave me was to think about what the flight attendants tell you before you take off - if you’re in an emergency situation, put the oxygen mask on yourself before putting it on the child next to you. Because what good are you to the child beside you if you’re dead in the aisle? No good! So if I don’t take care of myself, my stress and tension just snowballs and effects everyone around me. So, my car ran out of gas, and not only wasn’t I going anywhere, but I was making everyone else push me!

Coming to that realization was tough, but what came next was harder: figuring out how to say “no.” I had to sculpt it and craft it and rehearse it, and make it so that I was comfortable saying it and felt like it wouldn’t be challenged. What we came up with was:

She: “So, can you do lunch tomorrow?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I can’t make it.”

STOP! DON’T OFFER AN EXCUSE UNLESS YOU’RE ASKED!

If - horror of horrors - she asks, “Why not?” I provide the most perfect answer ever given:

“I have some personal things to attend to.”

Genius! If anyone pushes you further than she’s an idiot and you shouldn’t feel bad.

Do you have a way to say “no”? If so, post them in the comments section! If not, have Oprah help you out (it’s the least she could do).

*If it’s now running through your brain, please accept my apologies. Try “Birdhouse in Your Soul” by They Might Be Giants instead.

I haven’t been posting much for my “artists” (I put that term in quotes because I’m not just referring to people who paint/draw/etc, but to everyone who is creative - all those actors, writers, designers, musicians, and trapeze artists out there), and that needs to stop.

I’m making it up to you by introducing you to Keri Smith, who describes herself as “an author, illustrator, and guerilla artist.” She is awesome on many levels, but mostly because she has created The Artist’s Survival Kit:

In it, you’ll find exercises such as:

• What To Do When You’re Stuck cards
• a Priorities Checklist
• How to Handle Rejection (Tips)
• Procrastination Justification
• and a template to Create Your Own Damn Award

Whatever type or artist you are (fingernail painter?), you should download this kit (for free!) and keep it close to your heart. It’s infused with a lot of love and passion, a great dose of perspective, and amazing humor and fun.